NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE

AS-NS Has upgraded and moved to a new name.... It;s the same people just all new software, and a new name. Please come and join us http://forum.asexual.me

You need to sign up a new... But it is SOOOO Worth it...

http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me http://forum.asexual.me



NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE - NOTICE





What Affected You Coming to Terms with your Asexuality/Sexual Orientation

SimplyAce
SimplyAce
I figure not everyone has that "aha!!! I'm asexy!!! t(^-^t)" moment without some drawbacks in their coming to terms with it.

So what factors affected you the most?
Which affected your acceptance process the most?
  1. What did you have to come to terms with?17 votes
    1. Libido
        5.88%
    2. Past Relationships
        5.88%
    3. Not knowing the difference between different types of attractions
        0.00%
    4. I still have no idea/Haven't come to terms
        0.00%
    5. Past sexual experiences
      11.76%
    6. Cultural/ Familial Expectations
        5.88%
    7. Fear of Rejection
        0.00%
    8. Fear of Being Lonely
        5.88%
    9. Other
      11.76%
    10. A combination of 2 or more of the above (please share in comments)
      52.94%

Comments

  • Toffington
    Toffington
    Posts: 742
    My simple lack of complete interest in sex, masturbation, and even intimacy. I just don't seem to desire or need it. I do however, like company. 
  • Mallow
    Mallow
    Posts: 1,113
    it doesn't really bother me too much but i have seen someone have a complete breakdown just because they were ace and thought they'd be forever alone. He's one of those ace youtubers, i think he's alright now though.
  • ZiaR
    ZiaR
    Posts: 9
    1. I had to come to terms with my past relationships, cultural expectations, family expectations and comments, and fear of rejection and being lonely.  I'm still coming to terms with these and figuring out myself.
  • kkdirge
    kkdirge
    Posts: 45
    Whoops, didn't see the option for two or more before I voted.

    Well, anyway, I always felt broken and "beta" for being a guy who was indifferent towards sex at best. I knew I liked girls, so I tried to look at porn and such but it never did anything for me. I lied to my friends about scoring with past girlfriends because I was scared they'd ridicule me if they knew the truth. I knew what asexual was for years but I told myself it was a mental disorder and that I could be "cured". Obviously this didn't work out, so I figured I should just pony up and learn to accept myself.
  • Chip
    Chip
    Posts: 126
    I think I always knew I was different, but whenever I pursued relationships and the inevitable physical intimacy began, I just didnt want to be touched in certain areas. I have certain, obvious zones of my body that are like "Do Not Touch" zones because its just icky and I dun like it! I like hand holding and sweet stuff like that though  o:)
  • violachick
    violachick
    Posts: 22
    For me, I'm still learning about it.  Trying to see how my life pieces together regarding attraction.  It's been very difficult for me for a long time, attraction and relationships and everything.  I have never really been in a relationship for more than 5 months, and none were very serious.  I just am not able to remain connected with a person.  I get very averse and uncomfortable, and the only way to relieve it is to cut the person out.  

    So for me, my reasons:

    - Just past experiences of my not feeling compelled to be with people.

    - No sexual fantasies.

    - I enjoy other things more.
  • LordGrep
    LordGrep
    Posts: 2,686
    I like having no libido. But I really want a partner. I pine for someone to cuddle, and I wish I had someone to share my life with. I am just so lonely. 
  • cavalier080854
    cavalier080854
    Posts: 2,177
    Past failures with girls and the ritual humiliation by them for failing to achieve what didn't interest me, but I did try to be a good partner, Asexuality freed me from the tyranny of trying to form a sexual and romantic future with some one who would have probably divorced me for being sexually aloof and indifferent.
    TheKarret
  • Rolo
    Rolo
    Posts: 332
    I had to face up to the fact that years of desperately trying to be 'normal' by having lots of sex was a completely waste of time and achieved nothing more than making me miserable.
  • cavalier080854
    cavalier080854
    Posts: 2,177
    You have to be comfortable with being alone. If you cannot handle this then lonelyness and depression will ensue. A lot of the time your friends who will be in a relationship will gravitate to other couples. This is just a fact of life, so there have been times when I was alone for considerable amounts of time from my real friends. But meeting other people who I regard as acquaintances got me through. But equally I'm happy just by myself. BTW I classify real friends as those who know that I'm Asexual, all the rest are acquaintances.
    TheKarret
  • cavalier080854
    cavalier080854
    Posts: 2,177
    One of the things which frightened me the most when I was in the British Army, was being discovered that I was Ace. Now doing nothing sexual is legal in the military, but doing things contrary to the Army Act is. If you were found out to be gay (prior to 2000) you were kicked out, even if you were celibate (might cause friction with hetero soldiers).
    So with that my biggest worry was with WRAC's  who could and would approach me for a date and a couple of times ask for a shag. Luckily I did put them off from the sex part by saying I had a girlfriend at home, something I had also used with fellow sqaddies to put them off asking difficult questions.
    My time in the military was some of the best years of my life, but also some of the most lonely. The hidden price of being Asexual.
  • TheKarret
    TheKarret
    Posts: 136
    Honestly? And this is kind of a ridiculous thing to get caught up on, but the etymology of "asexual" was a big thing for me. I was previously in that "LOL, HUMANS CAN'T BE ACE BECAUSE BIOLOGY" boat, and stuck with 'nonsexual' when I was first confronted with it. I had to consider the a- prefix was used in the same way that atypical and atheist was used before I could get behind it.
    To a lesser extent, having a bit of a libido caused some doubt ['Do I really qualify?' type stuff], but I explored that, even before, when I first started looking into it, and saw that there are aces who masturbate, and the real litmus test is more like "do you want to fuck/get fucked by anyone else? If so, who/what type of person?" and every time I've thought of that it makes me cringe, like 'ew, gross, no' and I've never dated, had sex, looked for porn [I've only seen small bits and pieces here and there because I exist and so does pr0n], and basically when I think of things that I haven't done that I want to do, sex/dating is NEVER included in that.
    I try not to rule it out 'maybe one day, because who knows?' but I don't try to force myself to do things I'm not interested in, and I'm just naturally not interested in even the thought of engaging in sex, and the idea that people think about it and wish for it or desperately want it.... I don't get it.  I have to apply something else that I feel that way about to get any understanding of the general feeling, like... my excitement for Halloween or drawing, but I can't really wrap my head around actively desiring or seeking out sex with anyone. It's more... glossed over like "yeah, there are people into that or whatever" -shrug-
    It still trips me up sometimes to realize that by claiming asexuality, I'm rejecting heterosexuality. Sometimes I take a step back to realize that, and it's like... what? reall-wait.. no... yeah, it fits. I'm apparently not straight. idk why that can feel so baffling to me, I guess maybe because I hardly think about it? Maybe my brain's like.. got aaa.... "straight" mentality, so to speak. "LOL, I'm not in the minority, I'm ju- oh, wait... I AM a minority? what?? Nooo, aceness is totally normal and common, lol you're - only 1% you say? Well, I'VE never noticed that- wait yes I have... Whatever, I am normal, and everyone else is weird. Period, the end." I can only assume this is roughly how my brain rationalized my aceness. XD

    But yeah, tl;dr, some misunderstanding of the term itself being used, and then just general cautiousness to make sure I'm not incorrectly labeling myself.



  • cavalier080854
    cavalier080854
    Posts: 2,177
    Who gives a shit if you identify yourself correctly or not. Only you do, we all make mistakes, especially when we are young. LABELS SUCK.
  • TheKarret
    TheKarret
    Posts: 136
    Who gives a shit if you identify yourself correctly or not. Only you do, we all make mistakes, especially when we are young. LABELS SUCK.
    For me, it's a matter of accuracy. I don't like claiming X, Y or Z if I'm not sure about it; I'd like to first explore and be as unbiased as possible, accepting it only if it is clear and other possibilities are ruled out. Labels may suck, but they help a lot when communicating, because words are only helpful if we have clearly defined parameters for their meaning. The same way scientists don't like miscategorizing animals and are not likely to preemptively identify bones as belonging to any group without some thorough investigation and double checking first. 

  • Roardova
    Roardova
    Posts: 35
    Other.

    Sexual education taught me that I was asexual.  Literally.
Sign In or Register to comment.
© Copyright 2014 - Creative Dreams | Powered by Vanilla
All times are UTC